Feelings
by Meova
Summary: Castle's tired of having to chase Beckett, now it's her turn. It would be a lot easier, though, if she'd just admit that she has feelings for Castle.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, here it is, the first chapter of the story I talked about on Prompts. I think there will be four or five chapter – I've written everything but the epilogue, but I still have to figure out how to chapter-fy it all. **

**Anyway. So this story was a mating between a plot bunny of my own and a prompt by SignedSealedWritten – 'A bit clumsy today, Beckett?'. I really hope you'll like it – it's my first long-ish story in like ever. **

**Reviews would be real shiny, flames will be used to convince Jayne to lend Vera to me. And you do not want to know Vera. :P (Also – Firefly. ^^)

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Beckett couldn't have been happier that Castle was nowhere to be seen.  
It gave her a chance to focus properly on the case. To be herself, and not worry about her act. She couldn't let Castle see how much he actually affected her everytime he was around. He knew too much as it was.  
She flipped through the file, studying the photographs and data carefully. Who knows, maybe something had slipped her mind, while she was busy babysitting the writer.  
But no, nothing. She was as stuck on the case as she had been before. Guess there had been no reason after all to stay until the late hours. Maybe she should go home.  
While closing the file, she stood up and started walking to the boxes, where she was planning to put it away. However, before she had reached it, she sensed someone behind her and her detective-instincts immediately kicked into action.  
She wanted to turn around and see who was there. But before she could make that move, that person had pressed her against the nearest desk and of course she knew now who it was.  
'Castle.'  
'Beckett. What are you still doing here?'  
She wished she could say something better than 'Work', but she had a hard time both keeping her hands still and her thoughts clear, what with Castle so close against her.  
He chuckled and his breath warming her ear actually made her drop the file she was holding. When she reached to pick it up, it fell open and all the papers fell out. That only amused him more.  
'A bit clumsy today, Beckett?'  
'Get lost, writer boy.'  
Apparently she could reply to him Beckett-style without thinking.  
'I would, but I rather like being with you.'  
She shoved the papers back in the file (still trying to keep her hands from trembling – why did he have to stand so close again?) and when she was finished with that, he took it from her and threw it on another desk.  
'We're all alone, you know.'  
'Yeah, and if you don't move within five seconds I'm going to...' Her voice trailed off as Castle started to kiss her neck. She fought hard to keep from moaning. If she wanted him to stop, she had to make him think she absolutely didn't want this.  
Which she didn't. Seriously.  
'Castle, stop it.'  
'Say it like you mean it and I'll consider it.'  
Damn it, he had her there. Well, she could try.  
'Stop!'  
He pulled back slightly, looking disappointed.  
'You're sure?'  
'Of course I am.' It felt like she was lying. Why did it feel like that?  
He took a step back and she, gratefully, turned around. Only to be pressed in the desk once again, Castle's hands capturing hers and pinning them tightly to the wood.  
'Let go of me, now. Or my knee will be between your legs. I mean it.'  
She didn't want to feel vulnerable, didn't like to be out of control.  
'Whatever, Beckett.'  
And then his mouth was on hers, and his fingers tightened around hers, and Beckett found herself responding to Castle's touch, pressing her body into his, all thoughts about anything but the writer forgotten.  
He broke the kiss and refused to give in to her demands of more.  
'I thought you didn't want this.'  
Wait. He's right. She didn't. She started struggling against him again, but he merely tightened his grip on her.  
'Somehow, I don't believe that. Never did, never will either.'  
He just had to be stubborn now, didn't he?  
'Let's look at the facts. I would use the murder board but you know, I think that if I let go of you now you'll slip out of that door and I'll never get another chance like this.'  
She gave him her death glare. He didn't even flinch.  
'You get nervous around me.'  
Yes, but...  
'You always pretend not to like me.'  
How did he know that?  
'You get jealous when I'm looking at other girls.'  
Everyone would be jealous of those models.  
'And all the time I've been here, you didn't really try to get away from me once. Yeah, a couple of times, but anyone with half a brain could see that that was fake.'  
Wait, what? She totally could counter that. It was because...  
'Also, I know you're thinking of protests. No matter what they are, I'm not going to buy even one of them.'  
She wished she had a reply to that. Really, she did. But luck had it that she didn't, and that she couldn't stand that, either. And since Castle probably wasn't planning on releasing her anytime soon, she settled for avoiding his gaze. He took advantage of that and pressed his lips against her forehead. Instinctively, she shied away from the contact.  
'Beckett. Let go.'  
He wasn't talking about the grip she had, too, on his hands. She was clever enough to realise that. He kissed her again, but this time she could feel a hint of desperation there.  
'Please.'  
She didn't know who said it. They both had reason to. She felt his mouth move against hers, and her mouth moving in sync with his, and she couldn't believe that she'd held this from herself for such a long time.  
He whispered one last thing against her lips.  
'It's your turn now.'  
And then, he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The second chapter of this story! In here, Lanie and Montgomery make an appearance too. I've never written those two before so if you see a mistake, let me know and I'll work on it. I hope you'll like this chapter and that some lovely people will review ^^**

**Also, because I forgot the previous chapter: I do not own Castle. Boy, would I have a lot of fun if I did.**

The next day. Beckett was aching to see him again, though she really wasn't planning on letting anyone know. But when noon came and went and Castle still hadn't showed up, she thought it was time to ask what was going on.

'Ryan, Esposito, do you know where writer boy's hanging out?'

Both men shrugged.

'Maybe Montgomery knows,' Esposito suggested.

'That's a good one, Espo!' Ryan FTB'd him.

'Yeah, I'll try that. Thanks!'

She walked the short distance to the office of Montgomery and stuck her head around the door.

'Sir? Do you know where Castle is?'

'No, I don't. Why are you asking, Detective?'

Did she want to get the writer in trouble?

Hell yes.

'He didn't show up today. I thought, maybe he called in sick or so.'

'This isn't his job, Beckett. If he's sick, he doesn't even have to call if he doesn't want to. And if he doesn't want to come, he can stay home as he pleases.' Montgomery started reading something on the screen again, indicating that this conversation was over.

Beckett was starting to get pretty mad at Castle. That he didn't show up, okay, she could get that. To be honest, she'd been waiting for him to reach his breaking point. Everyone reached it sooner or later. But to just stay away, without letting them know, with a case they needed to solve? That just didn't do.

_You can't believe he's staying away from you after yesterday_, her mind told her but she ignored that thought. She didn't care about yesterday.

But she was still going to kick his ass.

Ryan and Esposito were willing to cover for her, so before the hour was over, she was on her way to writer-boy. She definitely needed to calm down, but for some reason it didn't work. Slow breaths only made her see spots. Trying to think happy thoughts inevitably led her back to Castle. It seemed like he was connected to every good thing she'd had lately. What was up with that?

She took the stairs, two steps at a time, and knocked on the door. Castle opened right away, it was like he'd been standing behind it. Which she could see him doing, really.

'Beckett. What a surprise.'

He didn't sound surprised at all.

'Why didn't you come to work today?' She had no patience for chit-chat.

'I didn't feel like it.' He shrugged, turned around and walked to his living room.

'You didn't feel like it?' She hurried after him and turned him around. He was /so/ going to regret this. 'There are people murdered out there. Their relatives deserve closure. You not coming to work, thus delaying the entire case, just because you don't feel like it, is not a good reason!' The last few words were each punctuated by her finger jabbing his chest. Castle looked like he was suppressing a yawn.

'Are we done now, Becks?'

'No!' she exploded. 'I don't care that you're a spoiled nine-year old, but while you're following me around like a freakin' pet you do as I say! Which means that you come to work every day. If you don't, you call me and tell me why you're not going to show up. And you don't put your secret fantasies about me in a book that the whole wide world is going to read!'

'You know, sometimes I really wish you were Nikki Heat. Would make everything a lot easier.'

His nonchalance was only fuelling her anger.

'Yeah, you can make Nikki do everything you can't do with me. I suppose writing that sex-scene really turned you on!'

'That's not true and you know it!' Good, she'd made him angry now, too.

'I know Nikki Heat. I know how she thinks. What she'll do in every situation. You, you're unpredictable. No matter how hard I try, I can't figure you out. That's what's bothering me about Kate Beckett.'

'You don't have to try and get to know me at all, Castle! It's not my fault you decided to base your next character on me!'

'Well, it doesn't matter now, does it? I did, it's a bestseller, and you're just going to have to live with it.'

She couldn't believe him. Also, she really should've left her gun in the car. Her hand was itching to grab it and shoot him somewhere. Anywhere.

Instead, she turned around and walked away as quickly as she could, ignoring Castle's shouting behind her.

'Beckett! You can't leave like that!'

'Like hell I can't,' she murmered to herself before slamming the door closed behind her.

Back in her apartment, she paced up and down the house, trying to keep herself from going right back to that idiotic writer and killing him. Oh, how she would kill him... He'd regret ever meeting her.

Probably she wouldn't get caught if she did it just right. She knows how to do the perfect crime. But he has to suffer. Now, how could she do that?

She could slip a poison in his coffee. One that wasn't well-known, and very slow. If she was careful enough, no one would know she'd done it, even though she had a motive.

Or she could tie him to a chair.

Or shoot him.

So many possibilities...

Thinking about killing Castle made her calmer, and soon she was relaxed enough to sink down on her couch and close her eyes. She was home anyway. Why not get a few more hours of sleep? God knows she could use it.

And of course, that was when her phone rang.

'Beckett.'

'It's Ryan. I know we said we'd cover for you but there's something here that you really have to see. Can you come back as soon as possible?'

She considered throwing her phone out of the window. She was not in the mood for work right now. But, you know, maybe she could forget everything if she went.

It was worth a shot.

'Sure. I'm on my way.'

'Okay. See you there.'

'Ryan? If you dare to call Castle, we'll have a second body.'

'Sure, sure. No need to get violent.'

'Good.'

She closed her phone and went to her car. For time so-many that day.

'So, what's the new info?' she asked when she'd caught up with Ryan and Esposito.

'We found the murder weapon. It was dumped in a trash can.' Esposito shook his head. 'The stupidity of some people...'

'Did you check it for fingerprints yet?'

'Not yet. We sent a team to Castle's first.'

She turned around, eyes flaring with anger.

'What?'

'Joke, Beckett. You were so pissed that we were sure you'd kill Castle.'

'At the very least,' Ryan added.

'But yes, we did check the gun for fingerprints. There were quite a few. I think we nearly have our killer.'

'That's good.'

Beckett continued walking to the crime scene, wanting some more information. Ryan called something after her.

'Castle might be checking in later.'

She resisted the urge to hit something.

'I told you not to call him!'

'He didn't. I did.' Lanie stood behind her.

'Why?'

'Because you two need to make up. When you're fighting, the entire precinct suffers. If you'll excuse me, I have some work to do.'

Beckett would've gladly left Lanie and do something else for the time being, but a hand fell on her shoulder and it was kind of hard not to know who it belonged to.

'Castle.'

'Beckett.'

'So you came back?'

'Only to say hi to Lanie.' He said hi to Lanie, she said hi back, and the writer started to walk back. Beckett called him back.

'Wait. You're really not going to stay?'

'Not unless you give me a good reason to do so.'

Was it her imagination or had he just stepped closer to her? Their bodies were only inches apart now, she could actually feel his chest against hers when he breathed in. She did know for sure that he touched her hand, tracing figures on it with his thumb.

She didn't know who started it (she was pretty sure it was Castle, though, she would never do anything like this) but before she realized what was happening, they were kissing.

Of course, the moment she figured out just what the hell she was doing she stepped back, resisted the urge to slap Castle and stormed off, ignoring the writer as he shouted after her.

She stopped when she reached a tree, a good distance away from the crime scene. She hit it a couple of times, pretending she was fighting something a lot more vulnerable. All she got were sore knuckles.

'Beckett?'

How had he found her?

'I don't want to talk to you. Get lost.'

'You kissed me.'

'I did not. I would never kiss you.'

'Then tell me what that was all about.' Castle folded his arms, apparently not intending to leave anytime soon.

'You taking advantage of the situation. Now go away before I put a bullet in you.'

He twirled her around and pinned her to the tree, pressing his body to hers so she couldn't move one bit. Hell, she could barely breathe.

'Get off me. Now.'

'Or what? You're going to hurt me?'

Good point. She couldn't.

'I'm planning for you to die in a really painful way tonight, though.'

'You're scaring me. Stop it.' The mocking in his tone was hard to miss.

'Get. Lost.'

'Not. A. Chance.'

She relaxed all her muscles, so Castle was the only thing keeping her up. It wasn't hard to do that when you meditated a lot. The weight proved to be too much for the writer and he let her sink to the ground. She made Castle lose his balance, got up gracefully and walked back to her collegues as quickly as possible. Behind her, she heard a car drive off. She hoped it was Castle's.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Chapter three of 'Feelings'! I hope y'all will like it.**

**Remember when I said in the first chapter that a prompt from SignedSealedWritten was part of my inspiration for this story? Well, she'd prompted three more prompts and I used all of them in this story. In this one, I use the prompt:**

**'Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong.'**

**'Are you five?'**

**'At least give me seven.'**

**'Six. Final offer. Now can we focus on the dead body, Castle?'**

**But then it's a bit different, changed to fit the situation.**

**I hope you'll like this chapter and reviews would be shiny ^^**

One day passed.

Two days passed.

Three days passed.

And still no Castle.

Beckett pretended that she couldn't care less. But she did kind of miss the writer.

Ryan and Esposito avoided her as much as was possible now. Probably they were mad at her too. And Lanie kept telling her what a huge mistake she'd made.

She hated being the bad guy out here.

Someone tossed something on her desk. She looked up and saw that it was Ryan.

'Montgomery wants to talk to you.'

'Thanks, Ryan.'

He was already at Esposito's desk. Beckett rolled her eyes. If she ever heard that those two were in a relationship together, she wouldn't be surprised.

She walked to Montgomery's office and he told her to sit down.

'So, I'm sure you've noticed Castle's absence.'

He waited until she nodded.

'He actually called in sick three days ago. I want you to visit him and tell him everyone in the precinct misses him and hopes he'll return soon. And take the fruit basket with you.'

'With all the respect, sir, I doubt Castle's really sick. I think he just doesn't want...' She cut off there. She didn't want to tell anyone about this.

'Doesn't want what?' Montgomery raised an eyebrow. She was going to have to tell this, she knew.

'Want to face me,' she said softly, eyes lowered. The captain wouldn't be very pleased with this information. He leaned back.

'I'm not interested in what happened between you two. I just want you to make it up with each other. Would that be so hard, Beckett?'

Yes.

'No, sir.'

'Good. So you're going to Castle's house this afternoon.' He pushed the fruit basket over to her and nodded once. 'And don't come back here before everything's cleared between the two of you.'

She left the room quietly.

There was no way around this. Montgomery would know if she didn't stop by. Ryan and Esposito wouldn't forgive her if Castle stopped working together with them. And Lanie wouldn't ever shut up about her stupidity.  
She could live without all of that.  
Which is why she was outside of Castle's apartment now, the ridiculous fruit basket (everyone bloody well knew the writer wasn't sick) in her arms. How she'd rang the bell, only God knew.  
Castle opened the door, and why was she not surprised that she'd been right. He wasn't sick one tiny bit.  
'Beckett!' Apparently he hadn't been expecting her.  
'Can I come in?'  
'Sure, sure!' He opened the door fully and she stepped inside, thankfully putting the basket down. When she saw his questioning gaze, she hastened to explain it.  
'The captain wanted me to give you that. It wasn't my idea.'  
'Of course not. You probably would've barricaded the door and made sure I was stuck here for the rest of the week.'  
'Nah. I'm not that cruel.'  
'Really? Because you wouldn't say that right now.'  
Her gaze locked with his and she saw him cringe when he saw the anger in her eyes.  
'Cut the crap, Castle. You know damn well that I would not do that.'  
He shrugged. 'I don't know. All I know is that you're already lying about your feelings. Why wouldn't you lie about these things as well?'  
How come he always knew just how to push her buttons?  
'I don't love you, writer boy. Get over it.'  
'Oh, but you do.' He closed in on her, she stepped back, and they continued this little dance until she felt the wall against her back. Great. Trapped.  
'Denying it isn't going to do you any good. I saw the jealousy. I saw the wanting looks. I saw everything.'  
Her knees were starting to shake. Why was she so nervous?  
'You kissed me because your boundaries were down. You were Kate. Not Detective Beckett. It's time to lay off the cape, Kate.'  
'Excuse me?'  
'It's like Superman.'  
Beckett rolled her eyes.  
'What are you, five?'  
'At least give me seven.'  
'Six. Final offer. Now can you move?'  
'I don't think so, Becks.'  
She pushed him to the side and tried to reach the door. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, against him.  
'You're not running out on me again,' he breathed in her ear. And oh God, it was all too seductive, and she almost couldn't resist kissing him and admitting everything and making him hers only.  
Almost.  
'Let go of me, Castle. Now.'  
'I don't think so. Not until you tell me.'  
'Tell you what?'  
'You know what I want to hear.'  
She pursed her lips tightly together, not intending to give in to the demands of the writer.

Ten minutes later, they were still trying to stare each other down, not having moved one single bit from their positions.  
'Come on, Becks,' Castle pleaded softly. He pulled on her wrist, too hard. She fell against him and he instinctively wrapped his free arm around her.  
'Awkward.' The word slipped through her lips before she could help it.  
'Quite. So what are you going to do about it?'  
The choice was so easy to make, yet she couldn't. He started moving his hand up and down her back, in a soothing movement, and she idly wondered why she wasn't struggling against him. Her head fell on his shoulder, she inhaled his scent, and the answer was clear in her mind.  
She actually did love him.  
She'd been fighting herself all this time. Her own feelings.  
She'd done an excellent job, but it was time to leave things behind.  
Besides, it had been ages since the last time she'd had sex.  
So she kissed him.  
He kissed her back rather enthusiastically, finally releasing her wrist. She wrapped her arms around him, surprised by the sudden burst of emotions through her.  
She really could've done without all that, had it not been that some feelings actualy felt _good_.  
She loved Castle. He loved her. It made her feel all fuzzy and warm inside. Heavens, she hadn't even known that was possible.  
Castle broke the kiss and she found herself longing for more. So unlike anything she'd ever felt before.  
'Was that so hard, Becks?' His tone was tender. She felt guilty. Bickering was fun, but she'd actually hurt him in the last days and it hurt her too.  
'I'm sorry.' She buried her head in his chest and he ran his hand through her hair.  
'It's okay. It was worth it.'  
She looked up, desperate for something. His hand curled in a fist in her hair and he crushed their mouths together. Yes, that was what she'd been wanting.  
She deepened the kiss, started fumbling with Castle's clothes. He got the hint. He broke the kiss, took her hand again and led her to his bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: It ain't over 'till I say it's over ;) There's still one more chapter to come after this one. So the total will be five chapters. **

**In this, I use the prompt 'Where hast thou been?' from SignedSealedWritten. If any of you have a prompt you'd like me to use too, you can post a review on my story 'Prompts' and I'll get right on it ;)**

**Reviews make me grin like an idiot at the screen, don't you want to see that? xD**

No!'  
Castle stormed towards her, finger pointing in her direction.  
'What, Castle?'  
He always did have to find the wrong time for everything. Ryan and Esposito were watching them intently.  
'You're not going to do this. You're not going to ignore me, not after that night!'  
So apparently he was angry. Who'd have known?  
Admitted, it had been a bitch move. She knew how he felt for her, and vice versa. She'd had sex with him, admitted she loved him, and now she was pulling away again. But didn't he see? She just didn't want to deal with this.  
'Why don't you explain it, Beckett? Why you first sleep with me, and then avoid me for two days? I've barely heard you say 'hi'!'  
'You know damn well why that is, Castle.'  
He chuckled without humour. The sound scared her.  
'You really got to stop using your mother's murder as an excuse.'  
Ryan and Esposito stood up and slowly walked out of the office, probably hoping Beckett wouldn't notice them. She did.  
'Ryan, Espo, if you dare to try and sell tickets I'll kill one of you and make the other watch.'  
They hurried out. She turned her attention back to the writer.  
'Listen up. It's not an excuse. It's survival. You can't survive this job when you have feelings. If anyone should know that by now, it's you. I'm not going to excuse myself. Get over it.'  
'You call it surviving, I call it hiding.'  
He always had managed to make her furious.  
'We're not all mystery writers with the good life.'  
'And we're not all martyrs who like to suffer.'  
'Say that again and I'll rip off a certain part of your anatomy that your fans are very fond of.'  
'I can still type with my toes, you know.'  
'Not what I meant.'  
She didn't know when it happened. She didn't care, either. They both took a few steps towards each other, wanting to hurt the other as much as was humanly possible. He tried to hit her, she dodged it and used the movement to press up against the writer and kiss him hard, biting down on his lower lip and forcing her tongue inside.  
He wrapped his arms around her, not letting her go, and kissed her back. One of his hands trailed over her bare arms, scratching wherever possible. She gasped and wished she knew how to make him hurt even more.  
'I am not going to let you win this,' he murmured in her mouth.  
'You don't have to,' she whispered. It was all she was capable of at that moment.  
'What, so you're saying I can still back away and let you walk out of that door? I can't, Beckett. You underestimate the effect you've had on me.'  
He sounded desperate and she wanted so badly to make it all go away. To make him feel happy again.  
'Don't pull that on me, Castle.' The response was automatic.  
'Oh, just shut up, Detective.'  
He crushed their mouths together again and she kissed back, locked her arms around him as well as was possible. Wasn't she supposed to be angry with him?  
He really had to stop doing this whenever they were fighting.  
Then, her thoughts went all blurry and all she could think about was the writer kissing her.

They only stopped when Ryan and Esposito had returned and were very obviously snickering about the situation. Beckett cracked one eye open and glared at them. They didn't stop.  
'Castle?' She tried to step back, but his arms around her waist prevented her from doing that. 'You might want to stop doing this.'  
'Why?'  
'Roach will have the time of their life already the coming week. Don't want to make that a whole month.'  
'Oh. Sure.' He let go of her, but the moment she turned her back on him he dropped a kiss in her neck. She sighed but wasn't in the mood to say anything about it. Hell, what could she say? Don't kiss me? She was nearly planning to shove him in the nearest closet herself!  
'So, you have some explaining to do,' Esposito started while he threw his feet up on the desk.  
'Okay. You see, when two people like each other, they want to be close. So sometimes, when they want to, they hold each other real tight and their mouths touch,' Castle explained in a tone you'd use to lecture a child. Beckett chuckled.  
'Not what we meant, Castle. But good one, nevertheless.' Ryan sat down on Esposito's desk.  
'Come on, like you've never kissed before,' the writer replied. The other two men blushed.  
Wait, what?  
'So it's true?' Beckett asked, unbelieving. 'You two have been seeing each other?'  
'Oh Beckett, where hast thou been,' Castle sighed, shaking his head. 'It's been obvious the moment I set foot in this precinct.'  
Ryan and Esposito only blushed deeper. Beckett had an idea.  
'Let me propose a deal. You don't tease us about this, and we won't tell anyone about you.'  
They looked at each other.  
'Deal,' they said simultanuously.  
Castle grinned like an idiot, snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her back against him.  
'What do you say, we finish what we started?'  
Never had anything sounded quite so tempting for her.  
'Not at work.'  
'What if I say differently?'  
'I'll kick you in...'  
He twirled her around, so fast that she got dizzy, and pressed his lips against hers. She lost the train of thought she'd been on.  
Well, it wasn't so bad, for one time. Of course, knowing Castle, it wouldn't stay one time only, but she knew just how to distract the nine-year old on a sugar high now.  
And she couldn't say she would quite mind it if he ignored her orders every once in a while.


End file.
